Category: Leadership

Catching the Judgment Pattern 

What I judge in others is what I fear in myself and this points to where my work is.

It strikes me that some forms of thought bring suffering and some forms of thought bring peace.

I’m curious.

  • What makes these thought forms different?
  • How can I characterise the difference?
  • How can I increase my ability to choose between them?

What makes these thought forms different?

When I reflect on the difference I see that in suffering thoughts I am often running an enemy narrative – I believe something or someone has the power to take away my power. I’m holding on to a me versus them mindset and sitting in judgement of others.  In peaceful thoughts there is a co-creation narrative – I see my part in the play. I see the part that I’m responsible for and I’m also able to hold my ground in the face of a challenge.

To the second question: How can I characterise the difference?

In suffering thoughts, there is much judgment, blame and accusation. In peaceful thoughts, there is empathy, curiosity and compassion, and I definitely notice judgment the relief that occurs as I ease into curiosity and empathy of others. A clear relief from the contraction of judgmental thoughts

To the third question: How can I increase my ability to choose between them?

This for me is the big question. You might say, where the rubber meets the road. With the above in mind, as I consider ways to increase my ability to go towards peaceful thoughts, practices like meditation, loving kindness and mindfulness come to mind.

In addition there’s a practice I’d like to share that’s been helping me take full ownership of my part in the play.

To explain.

I find it helpful to work with the premise that Life is constantly co-creating itself. Life is co-creation and everything physical and non physical is connected and in relationship.

On this basis I ask:  What if everything that causes me to perpetuate hurt and anguish is, at the deepest level of significance, an opportunity to see my part in the co-creation of the hurt and anguish itself? And further, What if everything I judge cause me to suffer?

What might this mean? Straight up it means I’ve got work to do.

Today my work is to catch in myself the voices of judgment and fear, the physical contractions, the mental narrowing on the problem, the ruminating, in fact anything that takes me down the rabbit hole of suffering thoughts.

The first part being to recognise this. To Catch the moment and hold it lightly.

The next step is the kicker and it’s where I turn the ‘what if’ questions into statements.

I do have a part in this. I am responsible for that part. I do have blind spots. 

The moment I make these statements to myself I notice how Radical Ownership kicks in. With no where to hide and facing in, what follows the sting of full ownership is the optimism of what begins to grow within me. There’s a weird quiet joy that sits at the centre of this – I’m figuring its a nod from my soul that’s indicating I’m back on track.

And then in the spirit of adventure I’ve been taking it one step further.

Whatever I judge in another I reverse it. For those that know Byron Katie’s work, I’ve been inspired by what she calls ‘the turnaround’ – turning the judgement back on oneself.

What I’ve discovered is the neutralising effect this has on the ‘suffering thoughts’. The reversal also takes me directly to deeper ownership of my part in the interplay and illuminates a blind spot.

To give you a recent example. I judged a person close to me for their lack of grace and consideration of others. Happily I caught the judgment and then proceeded to explore when lacking grace and being inconsiderate of others was true for me. Taking full ownership I saw very clearly that there were times when this was true.

Talk about a way to extinguish self righteousness.

In continuing this practice I’ve never yet found a moment where what I’m judging in another is not also true for me and/or where I’m playing a part.

Of course when I’m hot with emotion and feeling wounded, this practice feels impossible. In waiting for the heat to cool I can usually get there in time.

It works for historic incidents as well. Many years back I felt betrayed by two work colleagues – and you could say there was good justification for this. However even years later without doing this work I’m still suffering. So I applied the reversal of judgment and saw that in their eyes I had betrayed my colleagues in terms of their expectations as we’d never had clear and constructive conversation about any of the undercurrents at play. Voila – peaceful thoughts of acceptance.

Another example – I recently judged a family member for ‘throwing me under the bus’. When I reversed the judgement, guess what – in their experience I’d done the same. Suffering gone. Blind spot lit.

Radical ownership plus blind spot illuminated = ego reduction. And therefor with ego-mind reduced an eco-mind is enhanced and from this comes more peaceful thoughts.

I’m excited about this practice because it allows me to really see what is being co-created when I show up with contracted – suffering thoughts.

I perpetuate the suffering by avoiding ownership and falling into the trap of the enemy narrative.

I’m coming to understand that this is tapping into a universal truth or natural law.

What I judge is what I fear and points me to where my work is.

With love – Martin.

Martin © 2022

Dearest Voice of the Soul

May I be ready and willing to listen to you,
you are the first and truest way of knowing.

May I receive your guidance,
you are the first and truest guide.

You are at the centre and you are the centre:
of my being, becoming, and belonging.

You are the still and immediate self.
The knowing, ever present presence.

You are the inner guiding voice before and beyond all other voices.
The inner sense before and beyond all other senses.

You are irreducible as spontaneous light.
You are in truth, the voice of truth.

Yours is the guiding hand
in the filament and firmament of now.

The grace of the living soul,
your word is Good and your word is Truth. 

May I remain with you, un-distracted and un-afraid,
resolute and always ready to listen.

 

Martin © 2021

Reflection on Quantum Thinking

Inspired by Danah Zohar

In fear and the defensive state
Comes binary thinking
The instinctual brain so wired
Flips from friend to foe
And hell becomes justified

In fear and the defensive state
With quantum thinking
The instinctual brain so wired
Is guided toward an holistic embrace
Where curiosity and compassion necessitate

———

When the hit comes, the body will experience the hit and almost instantaneously contract defensively through an instinctual readiness for self preservation.

What the mind does next is the critical piece.

With binary thinking the mind accepts the premise of the hit and is triggered to deal with it in binary terms. A defensive stance faces outward viewing the world through the narrow corridor of right-wrong, good-bad, flight, flight or freeze and acts accordingly.

With quantum thinking the mind embraces the whole body-mind experience and deals with the hit in quantum terms. A centred and grounded stance faces both inward and outward: inward looking, it takes care of and holds the centre through breath and mindfulness, outward looking, it stays open to the premise by balancing agency and advocacy with curiosity and compassion, and acts accordingly.

Through dedicated, consistent quantum practice it is possible to move from reaction to response when one is triggered. We are not at the mercy of our instincts.

 

Martino © 2019

Us All

Dedicated to Ray Carver – (silent mentor beloved)

 

All of us  all of us  all of us

Round about caught and from there

Sideways up to the temple 

And downways downwards with care

 

A nod to the other quick to the sway

A walk in the street or the fell

A cradle a grave to stand and then stare

Each of us one step away

 

Was the doctor the soldier

Was the nurse was the priest

Was the pilot the driver

Was the teacher bequeathed

 

Where we are when we go

When we are what we know

As the wind and the weather to the rock and the rune

With the way that it is in the relative soon

 

With the how and the what

There’s a say, there’s a choice 

A movement, a difference

A tenable voice 

 

A something to offer, a something to leave 

A possible gift each child can receive 

Each of us can if some of us will

Act on our conscience that’s calling us still

 

All of us    all of us    all of us   

All of us     all of us         all

 

 

Martinos © 2018

Fixed to the Mirror

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.” (Albert Einstein) 

 

Fixed to the mirror
I will not see the wave
Nor the dance of energy
that connects us all

I will not curve
into quantum worlds
Or joyful swirls of
subatomic movement

I will not taste
Sublime unendingness, blended
Within an integral concert
of perpetual play

I will see only boundary
and definition
The face of independence,
It’s wilful stare

I must watch for and soothe the mind intent on separation,
possession, identity in action
craving a course for doing
for accomplishment and for getting caught up and driven ever onwards
in the relentless narrative:
’I must, I must survive’

 

Martinos © 2018

Within What is Possible

for GB & GB

 

Two powerful leadership questions to ask myself.

Through my actions and leadership presence:

What happens when I make it socially and relationally safe for others
to speak their truth and be themselves?

What happens when I encourage action beyond where others
thought they could go?

Might it be that, in contribution, I:

Inspire trust and confidence

Liberate potential

Facilitate an inherent response to

what the system is calling for

ultimately, creating a setting for what wants to be born

 

 

Martinos @ 2018