As I reflect on the third step of developing inner relational awareness and connection – that being, Nurture, which follows the first step of Notice and the second step of Name.
Notice what is arising. Name to identify. Nurture to foster inner care and compassion.
I see that it may be helpful to discuss this third step as three distinct elements or movements.
All three equating to Nurture.
In Inner relational awareness we practice attentive, non-conditional Withness. Being with what is.
For example, we can, with each and every inner voice, inner part, inner sensation:
- Acknowledge – I see you
- Accept – I understand what you’re doing for me
- Appreciate – I thank you
When we do this, we give each part, our attention.
Attention that affords each part of us: The Right to Be, and The Right To Belong.
When one part of us is at odds with another part or several parts have competing agendas – we become caught in an internal struggle – a never ending battle of competing voices. One wanting to cancel the other.
For example: in a three way debate – one part is always wanting to do better and achieve more and is never satisfied, vs another part that rationalises and invalidates, telling us we’ve achieved plenty and ‘should be’ happy vs another part that looks back at all opportunities we missed and is worried we will keep making the same mistakes, thereby reducing our confidence in making grounded decisions about our future.
When we seperate out these parts we can make some interesting observations:
- curiously, each of these three parts has our best interests at heart
- each one is protective by nature
- each one is motivated by a core belief that is based in a past hurt or fear
- each one is protecting a vulnerable part of us
- each one believes it is right
- each one operates independently from the others
- the debate and struggle continues to loop and by perpetuating causes a level of disturbance, upset or unhappiness
- each part wants to heard and validated
Understanding this is powerful.
Understanding that if we are to help these parts we must connect with them. This is integral. When we give them our attention we let them know they are seen.
Through connection, compassion and time with, ultimately, we can invite each part to work with us and with one another.
Our self leadership is integrative. Our seperate parts are invited to work in partnership. None are extinguished or banished they simply find new roles to play, with one another, not against one another. We afford them the third human right: The Right to Become.
This all comes about through our ability to Be With What Is.
To Notice Name and Nurture.
Nurture, being to: Acknowledge Accept and Appreciate each and every part.
Perhaps it might go like this:
Welcome. I see you. I understand what you’re doing for me. I thank you.
And over time.
What I would like to talk to you about, is exploring a way we can work together to help us feel fulfilled and content. Are you open to this? What do you need from me? What do you need me to know? What could we do together? Who could we be together?
Martin © 2022